07-15-05,
...but last night I watched our family Easter 2002 videotape.
My heart caught in my throat as I saw Tom serving up ham, and lounging on the couch.
It captured our easy give and take with each other .
I spent alot of time giggling and cavorting with family on it as well.
I was once again reacquainted with the sound of his deep voice .
I had nearly forgotten the timbre.
I loved every frame of this tape , even with all it's horrible armpit angles , dizzying zoom shots , and all my cheesy attempts to make a music video star out of our dog Sophie.
I am not ready for Cannes with this vignette from another life , but
damn this felt good to watch.
Goodbye ,Tom.
I thought yesterday was an appropriate day to see this footage .
I hadn't done anything besides think of how life had changed since that awful afternoon/evening 3 years ago.
I didn't remember all the stuff I had done with that silly film, so it's a bounty of forgotten moments .
Another lesson I have learned since is that I had gotten use to our family gatherings on holidays , and dourly noted that we always did the same sort of stuff.
They felt dull, full of work, predictable and we always ate too much.
Unbeknown to all participants of this typical holiday extravaganza ,the clock was ticking erratically ,sand was running through figurative fingers like water , and faulty complacency was the order of the day .
