10-10-04,There are things I have experienced in the past over 2 years I never thought I'd get first hand experience at.
I am at my wit's end quite often at how to rearrange my beliefs about the world and how it works.
Some days I can taste bitter vengence in my mouth , some days the salty
taste of my tears that don't come as often anymore - but are still very much a part of my life.
The endlessly unanswered question of "Why" ?
Some days Tom's love works it's magic and I remember what he brought to my life and not what was taken from it.
I still stand at the bottom of a pile of shattered pieces , and piece by piece am attempting to make something viable for myself.
It's the hardest thing I have ever done .
I am still a little lost everyday.
I try to not think about what happened- but it sneeks in at any unguarded moment I have.
I feel from your posts that you are doing what you need to and can on this long road of grief.
You must go through some of these feelings, sorting out , rearranging priorities because what happened has totally changed your world.
You are allowed some bitterness , I believe.
Hopefully I will not adopt it as a permanent feature because clinging to it will only hurt me more .
People cannot expect you to ever be the same person again.
And neither should you .
I'll never be the same either as I was on July 14th , 2002 before 4 PM eastern time.
