09-02-04, I have apprehensions about dying in pain, or a long drawn- out death.
A violent death- no thanks.
Dying in my sleep I am not to fond of either.
I intellectually know that we all die, but I am emotionally not ready to go anywhere yet.
I have things left to do.
I am too busy surviving his murder to want to die myself.
I hope my demise is a way off yet -although this past 2 years has demonstrated to me that there are no guarantees.
And these conflicting , muddled messages
are fueling my panic attacks , I suppose.
Hurry up and live April, it might be over any second....
I am not even sure if I'll see Tom when I go.
He certainly won't be the man I knew here with me in this life.
That man is gone