The current mood of johnson3@houston.rr.com at www.imood.com My Life Now

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I Want To Live
09-02-04,

I have apprehensions about dying in pain, or a long drawn- out death.

A violent death- no thanks.

Dying in my sleep I am not to fond of either.

I intellectually know that we all die, but I am emotionally not ready to go anywhere yet.

I have things left to do.

I am too busy surviving his murder to want to die myself.

I hope my demise is a way off yet -although this past 2 years has demonstrated to me that there are no guarantees.

And these conflicting , muddled messages

are fueling my panic attacks , I suppose.

Hurry up and live April, it might be over any second....

I am not even sure if I'll see Tom when I go.

He certainly won't be the man I knew here with me in this life.

That man is gone

9:15

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