04-02-04,I thought I knew what was coming 21 months ago.
Then my actual future came into sharp and painful focus.
Now I am intent on surviving , but am stumbling and fumbling around trying to thrive.
At first I thought I am suviving one of the worst things that can happen and was almost fearless- then the doubts and insecurities showed up again.
The what if something happens to so-and -so , what if I lead a miserable life until I die ( next new worry what if I die later today or even tommorrow...), what have I accomplished and so forth.
I want to grab life by the horns.
I yearn to do so , but I am still being held back...by myself.
I have been making mini-goals.
I have been accomplishing some of them.
No long-term things yet though.
I am still trying to heal my battered spirit.
However, I don't want to become so mired in the healing process that I miss out out on the life around me.
