12-02-03,My regular monthly talk with my friendly FBI agent passed yesterday with no new news on the horizon.
They work on things they "can't talk about".
What they do tell me , leaves me non-plussed.
How is this bastard getting away with this ?
I cannot tell anyone my exact feelings at this point in time.
It's a mixture of below the surface anger, sadness, frustration and occasionally boiling rage against someone who is getting away with murder.
It's all very wrong.
And I have to shield myself from plunging head long into desolation.
I spend time exorcising & exercising my demons in various ways.
But I see small panic attacks here and there.
Am trying to incorporate yoga & meditation into my life.
I refuse to be medicated.
I function, I am still alive and I need to feel life - whatever it brings.
Make no mistake -
I want justice.
Justice for his senseless death could happen years from now or it may never happen .
I grapple with these scenarios every day of my life now.
As does the rest of his family.
If the FBI can't find the murderer with all their methods at their disposal , then what else can be done ??
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