09-01-03,My will to survive this tragedy is surprising to me in it's ferocity.
I refuse to fall into resignation, depression and be eaten alive by the grief monster .
I sometimes feel guilty because I cannot hate the men responsible for my love's death. I am angry at their choice to end his life,
but cannot feel hatred.
Perhaps because I have not physically seen them.
I saw their handiwork.
I cannot let their misguided problem solving abilites eat my sanity.
I know that Tom is alright where he is. He is not physically here with me and Steff, but his spirit survives in all of us.
I hope that they are paying in some way if not through physical imprisonment yet.
I wish them plenty of sleepless nights, health problems,realization of what they did and guilt .
