08-29-03,That's a tall order- overcoming survivors guilt.
I have begun to think this about my situation-
this was somehow his destiny, not mine .
I cannot pretend to understand , agree with or even fathom the universe's
order or reasoning for this fate.
The World is a complicated place , so many things had to fit together to make this final outcome for him. He had violence subjected on him in younger years as well.
All I know is that I loved him, we had a safe haven together and beyond
that I am at a loss .
I must grudgingly accept it , and incorporate into by being and keep
moving forward.
Complicated baggage to carry around.
Perhaps it will all be finally revealed at my time of my own death,
as my final destiny begins to unfold .
In the back of my mind on a dark day , I get this
survivor's guilt thing going and I don't want it to be there..but it rears
it's ugly head.
