Wednesday, May. 14, 2003,
For a man who had a hard , impoverished childhood , several fathers ( one
that beat him hard enough to have left
scars on his back), a brush with the law in his teens, the 60's ( minor
drug experimentation ) had married young, went to Vietnam and had a
traumatic divorce- he was able to rise above his struggles and succeed.
He was generous, affectionate , patient, hard-headed , hard-working ,
honest , undiplomatic , thirsty for knowledge, a can-do kinda guy while also
being laid back at the same time .
He lived with guilt everyday that he couldn't see his other kids as often
as they would have liked to see him and that they had rough lives after the
divorce .
At work he liked to tow the line. He was a military grocery store manager at
one of the biggest stores in the US. He had started out as a mechanic in
the Army , then became a shelf stocker , butcher and on up the line. When I
met him he wore a bloody apron and had an eye for the best steaks in town.
He was crazy about and proud of our daughter.
He told her he loved her . He told me he loved me almost everyday that I
can remember since October 1981.
He tried to spend as much time with our daughter as possible over his
lifetime. They had gotten in so many talks over the months before he had died.
He liked discussing philosophy with her .
Loved sailing , dogs and animals in general were always crazy about him .
He liked to read , and play strategy games on the computer .He liked to know
what was going on in the world. He loved naps .
He liked cooking - and he actually taught me about housework as I married
him so young, Unfortunately though he was a truly messy cook. It would take
me days to recover from one of his made for 10 people meals! But boy could
he fold his t-shirts neatly from the dryer when he had to.
He always thought highly of me and would tell our daughter about how
great he thought I was. Sometimes he'd even tell me !
Annoying habits included teasing me occasionally to the point of
exasperation, sometimes he'd get me riled up just to see me go off. I don't
anger easily , but he was the one to do it ! Sometimes he's make big
purchases on the spur of the moment without really consulting me.
Pretend to have heard me - but just be nodding...then forget things !
He always said" look where I came from and look what I've done - anybody can
do this, what's your excuse ?" . Which my daughter and I found irritating
sometimes when directed it at us ..
He smoked for 18 years ( 10 years in the house , the car etc and in our
bedroom until I got asthma and the doc's told him no more ), then he finally
quit in 99 and it stuck. Then 6 months later he was diagnosed with
Diabetes and the struggle to keep his blood sugar down began. He couldn't
smoke and then he couldn't eat what he wanted to and he hated that . I
tried so hard to help him count carbs etc. tailored the meals to help him.
everyone
Now though- the annoyances seem so petty.
He was a good man , he was faithful to me and he was mine.
God only knows I annoyed him sometimes.
I don't have any regrets other that I wish he was still here . I loved him
with everything I had, no reserve . We were good together and we were
making it work.
In retrospect there were so many more things about my sweetie I could have
said , but how to encapsulate them into a coherent paragraph is such a
quandary ..
He was just my Tom - husband of nearly 20 years,
my lover, friend , and teacher . He was what a good marriage could & should
be .
We were a team.
