07-12-03,Those were hellish days those first few days after he died.
I had to go through all those pictures, it was like my heart kept getting ripped out each time with each picture as I looked at our past.
I was brought to my knees several times during the following weeks. The pain was so deep , intense and shattering I did not know anyone could live like that.
My daughter and parents helped to pull from the depths of despair so many times.
He was simply a good man for all his issues ( we all have different problems in this life it seems).
He was honest, generous and tried his best at everything he touched.
We all missed out on the next chapters of his life.
It won't matter how long I live , I will never understand why he had to die that way.
Leaving us all bereft , and wondering how and why the world is such an ugly place.
I did not know what steel I am made from. I am unmedicated and I just let the feelings come when they do. I talk about him openly to people , because he was my partner for 21 years. He helped to shape the person I am today to a large degree.
His love changed me , his life changed me and his death changed me.
I am still standing.
